"24 S8.7" Recap – “Some Things Slap Chop Won’t Work For”

24 S8.7 – “Some Things Slap Chop Won’t Work For”

• Name change update: Agent Red’s Ruskie Baboo will henceforth be called Leoben.
• Great bunch of lines in a row: “Do you look like someone in a position to make demands?” “The driver looks worried.”
• Leoben doesn’t like it when someone calls his whore a whore. Ironic.
• Starbuck finds it difficult to give directions to rednecks who can’t tell their left from right and manage four-digit numerical strings. These yokels can’t remember their Social Security numbers, can they?
• You know what goes good with vodka and macho posturing? Some bread and meat stick!
• Das Boot wants Radiobro given a dignified funeral to go with this radiation sickness and gunshot wounds. Nice. He then sings a Bryan Adams song to Sark. How sweet.
• Leoben calls Das Boot and gets lied to about the rods. Make sexy time with Red then and…oh, gotta make more calls. Fine.
• Regis is rocking some Elvis Costello glasses, all the better to see the conspiracies against him with! Lying to Prez Cherry and his aide Scarforehead. Ohnohedint!
• The Yahoo Twins get stuck in the evidence lockup and Starbuck has to drop everything to get their dumb asses out of there. When do Chloe and Drone Boi catch on?
• Regis’ daughter, oh let’s call her Fajita – that’s and Arab chick name, right? – and Scarforehead are upset about Regis. Knock, knock, more loyal lackeys at the door.
• Leoben strikes out, but Red can’t let him stop trying. Nag, nag, nag, goes Red. Punch, punch, goes Leoben. STABSTABSTABITTYSTABSTABSTAB, GOES RED!!!! ZOMG!!!!
• Whoops! Jack forgets that coming up behind a woman in the middle of a crying and stabbing jag isn’t advisable.
• No matter! BANGBANGBANG! One down! Pull the knife out of your own gut and throwing it to kill another – a move you do in Modern Warfare 2 – for the double-kill. About fraking time! Plus two on the JBBC!
• Awwwww. Jack is able to try and soothe and reassure Red that everything’s gonna be alright. I dunno about you, but the last time an emotional chick stabbed me in the tummy, I was less than sympathetic toward her needs than Jack was. Seriously. You want a hug? DON’T FRAKING STAB ME FIRST!
• Bubba’s unhappy: “He’s violent? He’s dead on the floor.” He’s also slowly noticing that Starbuck isn’t paying attention. Guess what, Sparky? Some people aren’t chipping in for the coffee.
• Ruh-roh! The Ruskies have snuck Jack out thru the tunnels. Jeez, these guys must be badass if the CHUDs didn’t nab them.

Thoughts: OK, this is much better while not quite attaining the expected level of quality we want from 24. They’ve managed to make the lame stuff not so lame that I wanted to scream (like last week), but it’s still pretty lame. Thanks to some serious badassery from Jack and Red – the only thing that’s been fairly solid this weak season – it was a pretty tense hour. Keep improving, kids.

Hardcores: Agent Red, Jack.

Little Bitches: Leoben (why’d I bother renaming him?)

Up Next: Starbuck fesses up to Damp Boi and Jack gets the Mel Gibson treatment. (Yo, dude with the electrodes, he’s gonna kill you so hard.)

Episodes Score: 7/10.

JBBC: Finally bumps up to 4, but this is still an anemic .5 kills per hour. Get cracking, Jack!