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"24 S8.5" Recap – “It’s A Man’s World”

Welcome to the DirkFlix 24 Recaps. A few notes for newcomers to these:
• I don’t rehash the plots; I provide running comments as the show goes on. Unless you’ve seen the episode, you won’t know what I’m referring to. Come read these AFTER viewing the episodes.
• I frequently nickname characters based on previous roles the actors have played, their names, or character traits. (e.g. Bob Gunton played Junction Jack on Greg the Bunny.)
• Most characters fall into one of two categories: Hardcores and Little Bitches. Hardcore characters exhibit badass behavior; Little Bitches are weak victims.
• Jack’s death toll is tallied with the Jack Bauer Body Count (JBBC).
Buckle up! Here we go!

24 S8.5 – “It’s A Man’s World”

• Things are fast and furious in the first segment with Schwartzman calling some general back home in Kreplochistan to say not to worry about Regis rounding up all his opponents because he’s gonna do the deal with Das Boot.
• Sark gets to take his radioactive broham to the country house. Who cares?
• The nice part about doing weapons deals with the Ruskies? Complimentary whores!
• Meanwhile, Jack is simultaneously disgusted and totally embonered at how Agent Red has gone all Jack on Ivan One-Thumb. Awesome phone call with Chloe about how it went.
• OK, this Lifetime Starbuck plotline is pure manure. This yahoo has her dancing at his command, ditching out of work to rush home lest he rat out her real identity which is only an issue because, as I’ve said before, CTU HAS THE WORST FREAKING BACKGROUND CHECKING SYSTEM IN THE WORLD!!! You can’t get a job delivering pizzas without jumping thru higher hoops than all the moles and crooks on Uncle Sam’s payroll. Who wants to bet money that Starbuck burning beds the ex?
• Prez Cherry is still the same old fuddy-duddy about appearances and all that hippie touchy-feely peace crap. She must think she’s a president on Star Trek and not 24.
• Regis’ wife leaves him. She says it’s because he cheated on her, but we all know it’s because he spent more time on doing his Elvis hair than tending the camel, ifyouknowwhatImean.
• Gee, what could be the horrible thing Vladimir did to Red in their past? (I’m guessing he used her toothbrush.)
• Just when you thought Lifetime Starbuck couldn’t get lamer, it gets waaaaaaaaay lamer. Now there’s another Bubba who is such a gentleman he doesn’t even blink (or offer to assist) when she’s getting slapped around. What makes this so galling is the casting: who books the actress who made Battlestar Galactica fans forgive that Starbuck was now a chick and still a totally kickass starfighter pilot to play the Ashley Judd part?!?
• Agent Red wins Vlad’s game of “Who Wants To Be A Nuclear Fuel Buyer?”, but gets stuck in the trunk of the new car. Bob Barker never did this.
• Sark gets Radiobro to the doctor. Yawn… I don’t see this going anywhere interesting. It’s a digression.
• Jack got punked – DAMMIT!!!!! – by the decoy car, but Red’s got the situation under control because she’s freaking suicidal. Damaged goods barely begins to describe what a mess she is.

Thoughts: So-so episode where all the women are victims, even when they’re being hardcore. Red got whupped-up in the past; Starbuck’s getting beat down now; even Mrs. Regis – who’d be totally hot if she got her nose profile straightened – is a wronged wife. Prez Cherry is her own victim. Speaking of which, I just remembered that President Evil Little Bitch (PELB) is supposed to come back sometime this season. WHY?!?!?

Hardcores: Agent Red.

Little Bitches: Starbuck.

Up Next: Agent Red takes a shower for next week’s episode of Lifetime 24.

Episode Score: 6/10 – only rated this high because the end was so intense.

JBBC: Steady at 2. Yawn. Kill someone already.


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