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"24 S8.1-2" Recap – “Start Spreading The News; Jack’s Back!!!”

Welcome to the DirkFlix 24 Recaps. A few notes for newcomers to these:

• I don’t rehash the plots; I provide running comments as the show goes on. Unless you’ve seen the episode, you won’t know what I’m referring to. Come read these AFTER viewing the episodes.
• I frequently nickname characters based on previous roles the actors have played, their names, or character traits. (e.g. Bob Gunton played Junction Jack on Greg the Bunny.)
• Most characters fall into one of two categories: Hardcores and Little Bitches. Hardcore characters exhibit badass behavior; Little Bitches are weak victims.
• Jack’s death toll is tallied with the Jack Bauer Body Count (JBBC).

Buckle up! Here we go!

24 S8.1-2 – “Start Spreading The News; Jack’s Back!!!”

• Snipers in NYC? It must be a Tuesday.
• Prez Cherry and Junction Jack are negotiating with Slumdog Regis, leader of Iran, er, Kreplochistan. His brother has Jason Schwartzman hair.
• Grandpa Jack is smiling and happy. This means he’s either gonna die or kill everyone in NYC. (The latter’s guaranteed, though.)
• Regis and the reporter have something going on. So, it’s routine for the press to service foreign leaders, too.
• It appears that CTU:NY moved into the Dollhouse since that show got canned. Ritzy!
• Ah, Agent Damp Boi (the man who killed Buffy and embabied her) is supposedly the big dog. Yeah, right.
• It’s weird seeing Starbuck as a girl. We’re supposed to believe she’s smarter than Chloe? Not even! Ask Janeane Garofalo, yo.
• Is Bubba Gump gonna be this year’s Chump Who Doesn’t Believe Jack? Love the bit where everyone just shoots a look at Drone Dweeb asking, “Who’s Jack Bauer?”
• Damp Boi and Starbuck are engaged. I guess anti-fraternization policies have yet to be implemented even though over and over it goes badly because of these relationships.
• Thanks to the commercials, we know that the helicopter is gonna get shot down, so there’s no tension.
• Only in the 24verse can someone calling 911 because they see suspicious bleeding people a bad thing.
• OWWW!!!! Jack gets all Shining style on the shooters with a fire axe! Jack Bauer Body Count is off with a double kill for 2!
• BOOM! The helicopter gets blowed up – I am so surprised – by a guy who conveniently was able to get onto an adjacent roof overlooking the alternate landing zone. Lucky break for the bad guys, no? *cough*
• Blonde Ambition is the inside hitter? I don’t get it – Regis’ wife is hotter.
• === END HOUR 1; START HOUR 2 ===
• When Bubba Gump calls the UN with the description of Blonde Ambition, why does he tell them everything about her clothes and not that SHE’S A BLONDE!!! The only blonde in the room!!! Booty call denied!
• Jeez, Bubba is a CYA weasel who leans on Damp Boi to cover his lameness. It’s such a trope: the incompetent rise to power whole the oar-pullers who know stuff are blown off.
• Chloe can’t talk Jack into getting her back. Really? Jack’s suddenly a NMP guy?
• I called that Schwartzman was the mole. They need to up the surprise factor.
• Nice to see sexual harassment chatter is allowed in the office.
• Starbuck has a dark secret past. She’s a Cylon with a white trash ex?!?
• Jack walks out on Chloe, but Kim shames him into staying on and helping out. This better not mean they’re gonna kill him.
• Boy, the CTU:NY interrogation rooms are pretty 2001 compared to the dark LA ones. So white and light. They need to spray some blood all over the place.
• Starbuck’s not a Cylon; she’s Appalachian hill people stock and some ex-con is gonna distract her? Lame.
• Doesn’t anyone have a calendar or bobblehead on their desks? The place looks like a showroom for shiny stuff, not an actual office.
• Jack gets busted looting the gun room, but is able to blackmail Bubba (no pun intended) to get to go rogue lest he narc him out to Prez Cherry.
• Bazooka Joe shows up at a co-worker cop’s house – he’s a cop! – and then loses his New Yawk accent and gets a jihadi twang. Wha?!?

Season 8 starts off with some very familiar elements and I’m getting a little bored of seeing the same checklist of plot elements and characters being ticked off. It’s as if they think an all-new audience is tuning in each season. Come on, surprise the old fans.

Up Next: More yelling, chasing, and the return of S7’s Agent Red?

Episodes Score: 6/10



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